THE HEROD DIRECTIVE

Israel Denies Gaza Mission Aims to Kill the Messiah

Mossad’s Kabbalist Division believes the last offspring of the Israelites are Palestinians and warns of disaster if the Messiah should be a descendant of King David *and* a Muslim.

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We gotta get out of this place (via Xitter)

Israeli government officials have vehemently denied the authenticity of a leaked classified white paper, purportedly by Mossad’s shadowy Kabbalist Division, that might have triggered the Gaza genocide by predicting that the Messiah — who, according to Jewish tradition, will be a descendant of David — would today almost certainly be a Palestinian, not an Israeli, and would likely have been born, or will be born soon, around Raffah near Egypt.

It’s worth noting that Palestinians, whether Jewish, Christian, or Muslim, are largely ethnic Samaritans. They’re the last remaining population whose blood is predominately that of the old Israelites: the people to whom Hashem promised the Levant in the Holy Torah. In terms of blood lines, they would be the people holding the deed, so to speak, although it’s unclear if the original Covenant still applies to them, since many of their ancestors converted to Islam centuries ago. Unfortunately, that’s the kind of uncertainty that can lead to centuries of hatred, suspicion, and brutal violence, as we know all too well.

“The probability of the Messiah being an Israeli Jew is minuscule nowadays because so many Western Europeans have flooded into the State during the last 80 years,” the paper claims. “The greatest probability, by a large margin, is that the Messiah will not only be a Palestinian descendant of David, but a Muslim one as well,” the authors warn.

“One thing is clear to us from scripture: the Messiah is here now or will be soon, and he will regard the modern State of Israel as heretical, in violation of every divine Covenant ever recorded. This represents a clear threat to the State’s existence. The nightmare scenario would be a Muslim Messiah who emerges to establish a progressive Caliphate and a new era of peace, stability, brotherhood and understanding throughout the region, which the Israeli State stands against with all its might.”

“We estimate that the child would most likely have been born in January of 2022. We therefore strenuously urge the government to implement the Herod Directive as soon as an opportunity arises, to exterminate every child in Gaza. We should kill as many adults as possible too, in case our calculations are faulty and the child has not yet been born.”

The document closes with these chilling words, “The Messiah must die before he is anointed to preserve the State of Israel, whose interests are paramount.”

Sage advice
We reached out to the prestigious consulting firm Horwitz, Feinberg & Horwitz to speak with senior partner Moses Horwitz, who happens to be a prominent Kabbalah scholar, or Mekubbal.

“The idea of Mossad having a legitimate Kabbalah division is a lot of window dressing,” he told us. “This discipline requires decades of serious study and contemplation. It’s not something your average 007 wannabe has the patience for.”

He explained that candidates would likely attend a short training course of weeks to perhaps months. “Fancy calling yourself an aerospace engineer after three months of study,” he chuckled. “These stooges would have fooled themselves before anyone else.”

But we did wonder if our source was truthful and the white paper is a legitimate product of Mossad, even it was researched and written by fools. The fact that Mossad might have triggered a full-on genocide based on their misinterpretation of sacred texts would still be a major story.

Rabbi Horwitz introduced us to his partners, younger brother Jerome and their colleague Louis Feinberg. “We’ve both examined the document,” Rabbi Feinberg said, “and neither of us detected any evidence of forgery. The content is pretty far fetched, I’ll allow, but the paper itself likely came from a constituent of the Israeli security apparatus.”

Far fetched indeed; but did the Israeli government initiate a full-on genocide because of it? Is Islamophobia so paralyzing that Netanyahu’s government would prefer a dead Messiah to a Muslim one? Is the Herod Directive an actual thing, like the Hannibal Directive? Of course it’s impossible to know. There will always be some uncertainty here. We’re simply asking questions, as all good journalists must do, after all.

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Thomas Greene 🇮🇪 🇵🇸🔻
Thomas Greene 🇮🇪 🇵🇸🔻

Written by Thomas Greene 🇮🇪 🇵🇸🔻

26 + 6 = 1. Dublin, Paddystine. Best-selling award nominee. Bua do throdaithe saoirse na Palaistíne! https://www.youtube.com/@wiredgourmet

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